Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you’re desperate or willing to settle. Once you’re at a certain age (I’d say 25+) there are certain expectations set for you. You’re out of college, into your career and single as hell. Meanwhile, every time you log on to Facebook someone is getting married. After so many engagement stories and wedding photos, it’s normal to become impatient and start looking for Mr. Right in all the WRONG places. That old “always the bridesmaid, never the bride” cliché starts replaying over and over in your head.
Then one day, while you’re minding your business some fool asks the most annoying question: WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE? And, you’re all like…
If anyone understands the ‘single struggle’ it’s ME! I’ve gotten a ring before and that was the easy part..being willing to wait for the right person is the challenge. So, what about when you’re not willing to settle for just anyone? What about when you want to hold out for the real thing…the guy who gives you butterflies when his name pops up on your phone (Remember butterflies? Haven’t had those in foreverrrrrrr!) These days, and especially in Atlanta- women are growing desperate out of fear of being bored and lonely. It’s crazy to me that some women would rather spend a night out with ANYONE than to be alone. My epiphany came from a conversation with my sister when she said “If I was going to settle, I would have done it years ago..the years for settling have passed.” So, out of my disgust for desperation, I coined the term ‘settling season.’
Settling season is the five-eight years immediately following college. It’s when we start religiously receiving save-the-dates, attending weddings and planning baby showers. It’s when we start ditching holiday parties at work because we’re the only one without a spouse. It’s when we start to wonder what’s wrong with us and why we don’t have anyone. It’s when we start making excuses to take back exes and entertaining losers we know aren’t worthy of us.
I CHALLENGE YOU TO
SURVIVE SETTLING SEASON
Don’t date out of desperation. If you have NO real interest in someone, please don’t go along for a free meal. There isn’t a restaurant in the world worth wasting your time. If you really just want a nice night out, treat yourself! Plus, it’s just plain rude to waste someone’s time if there is really no interest. That’s called playing games and AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
I know it’s easier said than done, so I came up with a few tips to help you get through settling season with your emotions intact.
-Get a hobby-
What do YOU like to do? Find a new hobby by creating a list of interests. For example, if you’re really into fashion you can start a few DIY projects and transform old clothes into new looks! If you’ve always been into photography, you can find a cheap class to take. (Don’t sleep on GROUPON- you’d be susprised all the great things you can find for cheap!) Step one is to make a list of the things that interest you and make you smile.
-Get some girls-
By now, you should have a few real friendships. Take the time to nurture those relationships, because we know exactly what’s going to happen when Mr. Right rolls up. It’s better to really build your bond with your girls NOW so that maintaining it will be a little easier once you’re in a relationship. Plus, research shows that marriages last longer when each person has strong friendships outside of the relationship. (It alleviates depending on each other for everything.) If you’re in business, you definitely want to create a dream team- the village it takes to live your dream. [Find out how I built mine here]
-Read a damn book-
Smart is the new sexy! Plus, reading really opens your mind to new dimensions!! A few suggestions to get you started are: Ms. Typed, The Traveler’s Gift and Think and Grow Rich and WERK 101: Get-Your-Life-Together Guide [shameless plug!] Plus, reading helps you carry a conversation. Men LOVE interesting women! Teach him something new everyday and it’ll renew his interest each time!
-BECOME who you want to be with-
Instead of spending countless hours worrying about when Mr. Right is going to finally show his face, spend time becoming Mrs. Right. What are your areas of need? In what ways can you afford to improve? Take a really good look within and then take action. Create concrete goals for yourself and then come up with a real plan to achieve them. Are you finally ready to shed those last 10 pounds? Are you really ready to learn how to cook? Are you ready to forgive someone who hurt you? Are you finally ready to get rid of the baggage you’ve been carrying for the last 5 years? WHAT IS IT that you can work on NOW? Once you’ve done a self-check and created your self-improvement plan, surround yourself with like-minded women who are moving in the same direction by joining the Wife Minded Women program- a lifestyle program that encourages single ladies to become better women before becoming wives. It’s a community of like-minded ladies who are working toward one goal: creating a life full of love.
These are just a few of the ways that I’m confidently overcoming settling season! I know my worth and I know what I’m bringing to the table. I’ll be damned if I waste my time with another loser..that’s the lesson I learned from almost marrying one! Stay strong and stick it out because settling is for suckers! Take it from me ladies…….